OH boy. The Vulnerability Hangover. That mixture of regret, uncertainty, overthinking and shame after we open up to someone. AAAGGHHHHewwww.

Why does it feel so cringey?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I feel it just about every week when I post this blog. Some weeks, I feel confident and I just move on. Other weeks, the fear that no one will connect with what I’m saying, that I shared too much or didn’t say the right thing haunts me for hours, even days. I still feel a little haunted by the photo from last week, if I’m being honest. (If I’m not being honest…what’s the point?)

When I feel residual ick after posting, I remind myself why I do it. I made a commitment. To write every week. To put myself out there. To model the vulnerability and authenticity I want to see in the world. I remember that embodying those values is more important than avoiding discomfort.

BUT IT STILL FEELS GROSS!

Last night, I told a friend I was attracted to her and wanted to explore that. She did not. ohHHHboyyyy. I was proud of myself for being direct. But I also felt sad, rejected and ashamed afterward. Opening up opens a portal. Your biggest insecurities are just waiting to jump in. And you can’t hide behind not caring or not being clear. You have to just sit in the mud. Bare assed. Trying to convince yourself you did the right thing even though it feels bad.

At least it’s the good kind of bad. It sucks. It’s unavoidable. You can’t control the outcome. But you honored your insides. And stood bravely next to your wet, shiny pile of guts and said, “Yep. That’s me.”